Bars
by rebellarke
Summary: When Serena has to escape the pouring rain, she enters a familair bar, seeing an even more familair face...


**A/N: I don't own gossip girl, the story is AU! (Set somewhere near the end of season 4 ;))**

_To save herself from the sudden, stormy rain outside, Serena decided to stop by a place that hold a lot of memories for her,_

_good memories and bad ones._

_When she opened the fancy looking door and entered the bar that was decorated with books and shelves like an old library the overwhelming_

_stream of memories in her head wasn't to ignore anymore._

_Walking inside a bit more she soon spotted the gorgeous bar with the classic background lighting she remembered so well and the _

_handsome bartender, who was probably the only guy with his job who didn't try to flirt with her or even get her drunk that night._

_Well that was only because she wasn't alone and he probably thought that she and Nate were a couple… _

_Oh. There is was. The thought she desperately tried to push away. Nate._

_Just now she realized how painful and humiliating it must have been for him when she left him sitting there looking like a soaked puppy_

_after he told her that he loved her all these years ago, only to leave with his cousin._

_He told her that she was the 'most beautiful, amazing, alive person he's ever known' and that he even tried to tell her how he felt after_

_she came back. Why didn't she notice that? When they had sex after the Sheppard wedding, when he tried to tell her how he felt_

_on the yard of her hotel, when she was the only person he wanted to talk to when he found out his father was taking drugs, _

_when she played his fake-girlfriend to make another women jealous just to see him smile, when they messed around in the bathroom_

_on thanksgiving years ago, why didn't she see what he was feeling?_

_More important, why didn't she let herself feel this way for him when she knew she did? _

_Making out with uncountable other men, partying , all the drama with Dan, the trip to Paris, the year on boarding school,…_

_only to stop herself from thinking about him?_

_Serena needed to sit down immediately. _

_Strolling to the nearest chair she sat down on the bar, THAT bar, only to be greeted by the very same bartender she remembered from_

_that night._

_"Something to drink, the lady?"_

_She looked up at him lazily and just ordered a martini, not really spending her choice of drinks that much attention._

_Even with a cold cocktail in her hand she still couldn't forget about the thing with Nate._

_- why did she had to go to this stupid bar anyway? _

_There are like a thousand bars in Manhattan and she had to go to one of the two bars that would always bring _

_certain memories up?- Nice one, Serena._

_But it looked so warm and welcoming, familiar, that's why she came back to it._

_Isn't it always like this? When you really like a place, you come back to it?_

_Like when you truly love a person you come back to him/her someday._

_But maybe this is where people are wrong! If you keep coming back to one place it's going to be boring sooner or later, right?_

_Well probably not if it's the right place to be… but it's Serena van der Woodsen, she lived in so many different places,_

_had so many different friends and men but she still wasn't satisfied._

_So maybe all the talk about truth, faith, destiny,… all this stuff is just a lie to make us people believe in something, anything_

_or it's true and she was never really good enough._

_She wasn't a good enough daughter to make her dad proud or even make him stay, she wasn't good enough sister for Eric when_

_he needed her the most, she wasn't a good enough daughter to Lily or a good enough step-sister to chuck when Bart died, _

_she wasn't a good enough girlfriend for carter to keep him here, cheating on Dan makes her a not good enough girlfriend for him as well,_

_she wasn't a good enough girlfriend for Ben or she would've trusted him, she wasn't a good enough best friend for Blair when she let_

_her down all these times and she wasn't good enough for Nate, because she broke his heart._

_Well at least she was good enough to drink all alone at an oh so familiar bar when all her friends were happy without her._

_"Another martini, please!" _

_"Miss, you already had 3, don't you think it's time to stop or switch to something softer?" asked the barkeeper in slight concern._

_"Well.. no. I want another one." Switching to something soft, who was she?_

_After all she's Serena van der Woodsen, she can take some drinks._

_"Do you have a girlfriend?" She didn't really realize herself saying this but well it's the alcohol talking._

_"Uhm, no. Why are you asking?" The hunky bartender leaned a bit over the counter to see if she's serious._

_"Did you ever doubt anything you did in the past? Wishing you could take some things back" She was serious, well as serious as you can _

_be after having 3 and a half martini._

_"I think if you look back you can't look ahead, the past is the past - you can't change it, but you can still change the future"_

_" This is officially the most honest conversation I ever had with a bartender. The others were eigther dirty or I was too drunk to remember"_

_It was true. nerveless the barkeeper was way to confused and yet too busy to continue leading deep conversations with one of the most_

_famous party girls of the UES._

_After some more minutes of talk he left to serve other people and there she was, alone again._

_But maybe the guy was right, she spent the whole evening walking down the memory lane and feeling guilty, maybe she needed to look _

_forward once and for all._

_She could still fix her relationship with Ben or even be single for a while instead of messing with her head again._

_But whatever she wanted to do next, to move on she needed to leave this bar. now._

_The sooner she was outta'here the sooner she would forget about what a bad person she has been by hurting the person who was _

_constantly there for her, the person she knew almost for her whole life._

_It was over, she broke up with him and got together with his best friend ,whom she cheated on him weeks before._

_She forgot about this honey-blonde boy so many times before she could do the same again._

_She hung her scarf around her neck and waited for the bartender so she could pay and she'd be out here in no time._

_"A-all all this time you were still after him, not after m-me!_

_When you s-slept w-with me you w-w-were thinking of my best, of my best friend, weren't you-u`?_

_Huh? I've been there b-b-before I … I don't want to be the thir…. the third person again._

_Over. It's it's o-over." _

_Serena listened to someone talking, screaming, well rather stammer to someone on the phone, watching all the 'happy people' enjoying _

_there selves while having an amazing evening with their friends when someone's voice interrupted her thoughts._

_"Hey looks like your ex had a drop too much, sweetie." It was the bartender, of course he thought Nate and her dated that night, she_

_knew he would've …. Shit!_

_Now that she recognized in fact who the man shouting at the phone was she needed only seconds to find his handsome, familiar face_

_in the crowded room._

_She handed the bartender some money for the cocktails and started walking towards her sightly drunk childhood friend._

_"Nate, what the hell?" She yelled at him with one hand on his shoulder, to be sure that he would notice her._

_"ge-eh-d off'off my shoulder" it was barely understandable neighter was he really trying to get her hand off but it made her even more_

_concerned so she gracefully sat down on the empty bar stool next to him, watching his every move, while he was really just trying to get_

_the beer mat and his phone in a synchron position for what it looked like._

_"Nate what are you doing here? What's happened?" She tried to look into his eyes but he was just observing his phone._

_"Please just talk to m-" "Why should I t-talk to you Serena? To - to let you walk all over m-me? Sorry, Raina already di-did that_

_for you" his voice was still unstable but serious to her. It made her sad even._

_"Nate I just want to help you!" The disappointment was undeniable in her soft voice and Nate finally looked up to her but in the moment_

_he did, she really wished he didn't - His eyes were a bit red around the lids and his pupils a bit dilated and hazy._

_"You never, never helped me S-Serena, you always brought me down.." _

_"What? Nate, I never intended to hurt you!" _

_"Nooooo YOU of all people would neeeeeever eeeever hurt me, would you Serena?" _

_Suddenly she was shocked by the cold and hard tone of his voice. _

_He couldn't be serious! She cared about him so much and she was always there for him when he was down, just because she made some_

_mistakes doesn't mean that she loved him any less! Nobody is perfect, especially not when you live on the Upper-East side._

_"Now you're really being unfair! Okay, I did some bad stuff but I was never not by your side when you needed me!"_

_"YOU kissed my best friend while we were a couple and broke up with me because 'you wanted US to have a chance' only to get together_

_with Dan, now let's talk about being fair, huh?" _

_She couldn't believe what he was saying. She really broke up with him because she didn't wanna screw up their relationship AND friendship_

_because she didn't wanna loose him so that they might have a future._

_She thought about it deeply and she tried to be honest and now he's twisting her words so that she's a Liar?_

_"I meant it! And we would've another chance, we will if the timing is right!" She tried not to sound desperate, not to sound as if she was_

_waiting for this moment or something. She just wanted him to believe her._

_'The timing WAS right before you broke up with me and the timing was right when I asked you, I b-begged you to g-give me a second _

_chance! Don't you get it? there is no "timing" for love, it happens or it doesn't and it stays…" He didn't want to argue anymore,_

_he spend all these nights when she was in Paris thinking about it, drowning his thoughts with __alcohol and prostitutes but he would never_

_deny that he has feelings for her. He didn't deny it 4 years ago and he wouldn't deny it now._

_"Nate…." She was trying to calm him down, obviously._

_"Nate, Nate, Nate. Don't b-bother Serena! it's always the same, we talk and when it get's too 'deep', too 'real' you change the subject,_

_but not this, not this time! let's talk truth now.." Now he was staring in her eyes, almost scaring her so there was no way she could _

_escape this topic with some nice words._

_"I… I don't know what you mean, you know the truth, I… I-" She wasn't going to do this. She never really spoke about what happened_

_before she left for boarding school and she didn't want to. It's over, the only time this came up was the moment she told Nate that _

_she loved him and would change this night to something better, something more honest if she could, and this was really all he had to_

_know, wasn't it?_

_"You left me the morning after I lost my virginity to you and we never talked about this again." It was more of accusation than a fact._

_"You really wanna bring this up now?" She lowered her voice her expression softened to convince him to drop this topic._

_"Yes, Serena I want to because we NEVER talked about this before, you may have put this all behind you but I never got the answers I _

_needed to forget this night! To fo-forget getting hurt so much, you fucking owe me!" He was screaming and he didn't care. He wanted _

_to share all of the hurting he buried for so long with her, even if the whole bar witnesses it._

_"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? Why didn't you told me what was going on, why didn't you even say goodbye? WHY did_

_you leave, Serena? Wh-"_

_"I can't do this, Nate" She really couldn't, not without laying her heart open in front of him, not without crying and being weak. She wasn't_

_weak. She was Serena van der Woodsen and if Nate wants answers than he has to deal with that because she can't._

_Serena grabbed her coat and was ready to get up when a steady hand grabbed around her right wrist._

_After trying to loose herself she looked up into his wonderful blue eyes again. _

_"If you leave now, I will never talk to you again or even spend a second thinking of you." He know he couldn't keep this promise, well _

_threat, but it was all he could do, scaring her, giving her just the lightest taste of what he felt when she didn't talk to him, one year._

_"If you go then the thing between us, whatever it was is over, for good. Don't think you can run away from me, you can't, you never_

_could." _

_She knew he was serious._

_So she needed to think about it, one step in the wrong direction, literally, and she would loose her best friend, and the only guy who never_

_judged her for who she is._

_But if she stays she will be weak. He likes the strong, sexy, independent Serena and not the whiny, pathetic Serena._

_(When in fact, he loved both.)_

_She would've to tell him the reason she left, the reason she couldn't face him for over one year._

_The reason why she can't risk loosing him again._

_But if she leaves, she would do exactly that-_

_"I can't, Nate." She still didn't face him, ready to stalk off any minute._

_"You can't? I waited, a whole year to see you again, 2 more years to finally tell you how I feel and now you 'can't' even tell me the truth?_

_can't even look me in the eye?" He needed to see her face. If there's only a single sparkling tear in her beautiful blue eyes he would _

_still have hope.._

_Slowly turning around it was her to start yelling now "I can't because it hurts, even the bartender says you shouldn't hold on to the past_

_and I won't. I would change it if I could I would've stayed and we could have faced Blair together. We could have been together and just got_

_out of this devil town already, sailing like you always dreamed of when you were a little boy an-"_

_This was all he needed to hear - all he ever wanted to hear._

_He pulled her down to him in no time and pressed his lips gently against hers._

_Serena took his hand but was too confused to realize the whole situation as she continued to speak "I didn't want to hurt Blair and I was_

_scared and-" when she got pulled into his lap and Nate gave her another peck kiss - "I never wanted to hurt you and I'm so stupid"_

_Wiping the tears from her eyes with her other free hand she continued babbling - " I made so much mistakes you deserve better. A real_

_women to cook for you and someone who knows how lucky she can be and-" Nate finally succeeded shutting her up with giving her _

_another passionate, long kiss, taking her face in both of his hands._

_Pressing his forehead to hers and out of breath he whispered with a soft voice "I love you, okay? Now would you please shut up and let me_

_kiss you?" Serena nodded, a bright smile all over her beautiful face, giving him another kiss._

_After a while Nate took her hand again, wrapped her in her coat again and let her outside._

_"By the way I enjoy eating poptards with you, I would never want anything else" _

_"Ha ha." With a bright smile she gave him a soft push into his right and laughed._

_"We should go to bars more often."_

**-The END- **

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thanks for reading!


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